Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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