You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
