forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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