you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
