I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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