I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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