i don't like sucking hair
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
