He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
