I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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