At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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