how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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