sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My balls are so social today.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
