i wish starbucks made bloody marys
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
