Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
