the condom got lost in my hair
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
