I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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