I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
