Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
