if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
