I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize