just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Alive.
So much puke
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
3 2 1 whiskey
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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