that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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