I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
