so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
