so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
