she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just pee around me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
