You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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