laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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