Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize