remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
