Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
