if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
