when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is classic penis vs brain.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
