Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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