the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
