you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
