Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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