new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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