Sponge bath it is.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize