Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
