Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
