i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
