I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it glows. i had to have it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
