just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it because I queefed?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
