omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
