mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Randomize
