my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
