ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
