I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
