dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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