Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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