im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
