Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
