Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
