how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
