Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize