At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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