I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
