so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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