apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
