The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
