The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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